How Do You Live?

"And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again." 2 Corinthians 5:15

When I was 19 years old I sought freedom. I thought that life would be better living for myself than for my God, as I was raised to believe. I wanted to find life for myself and chase the American dream all by myself. I didn't want to go to church, and I didn't want the constant reminders from family that I was behaving badly. So I moved out on my own, and not just across town, but across the country. Far, far away from those who loved me so that I could find myself by myself.

And you know what I found? That living for myself was truly lonely. Sure, I had a boyfriend and co-workers, and a great job and a great apartment, but it was lonely. I was missing something. And then I started to make some friends, and I thought that was what I was missing. Except that some of those new friends turned out to be Christians themselves. And what kind of a good Christian would they be if they didn't befriend me and try to encourage me to do what I knew was right. It was maddening at first. But as time went on, and that loneliness didn't go away, I knew that I was doing wrong. I'd made all the wrong decisions,and I'd decided that life by myself wasn't worth it. I was sitting on the lawn at the Smithsonian in Washington DC when I decided that I truly did want God in my life, and that I needed his help to make things right. It was spring, and I was basking in the beauty of the cherry blossoms, and I asked God to help me live for him instead of for myself.

There really isn't any stunning revelation to share, other than when I was living for myself during that brief time, I was simply filled with a sense of loneliness and longing. I thought that could be filled with people- friends, boyfriends, and a great job. But it simply wasn't enough, and I knew that I was making the wrong choice. So I chose to move back home to the family who I knew would help steer me in the right direction. It took a few more years for me to fully say "Okay God, have your way." But I do know this, life is wonderful with God in the driver's seat. It's easier too, in a way. When I have a decision to make, I pray about it, I turn it over to God and ask for his help, instead of relying on friends and my own counsel to make those decisions. I also know that when things aren't going quite right, that I have a God to keep me company and help me through those times.

I made the conscious choice to live for God instead of living for myself. It was, quite simply, the best choice I ever made. He's worth it in every way, and I look forward to the next challenge and the next phase of our relationship.